mellon collie and infinite sadness

did i...???

2005-11-07T18:58:00.000+07:00

well-well...it's another ramadhan passed by. did i succeed through the holy month? i dunno. yeah i got through this year's ramadhan, yeah i feast every-day till the end, yeah gw sholat tiap hari yg almost ga bolong2, yeah gw sholat ied tanpa telat bangun (emang blom tidur sih), yeah i pay zakat fitrah...but...did i reach "fitri"? wallahualam...i absolutely don't know. hopefully...hopefully ALLAH SWT menilai gw "fitri" walaupun tahun ini gw sama sekali nggak sholat tarawih :( (damn me!!!). positive thinking aja lah. at least this ramadhan gw merasa cukup dekat dengan-Nya. walopun almost every day buka puasa dan sahur di sky, tapi entah knapa gw ngrasa nikmat bgt...gw ngrasa tiap hari buka puasa dan sahur di tengah2 keluarga. yeah...positive thinking aja kali ya...and also at least gw ga nglakuin something terrible di bulan suci ini, ga benci sama siapapun, ga marah sama siapapun, ga nyakitin siapapun, pokoknya generally...i'm doing fine kali ya. amiiin....

tired

2005-10-24T01:25:00.000+07:00

Searching for the unfinded. Hmmm...nampak absurd skali, tapi itulah kenyataannya. I'm searching for the unfinded. Kemana ya mencari yang tak dapat dicari? Only The Almighty knows. Seperti hari-hari yang baru berlalu, keliatannya penuh warna dan keceriaan. But it just a disguise. A hallucinate force. A lie. Deep down...emptiness. Only emptiness. Apa memang hati dan jiwa gw udah dipenuhi sama kekosongan? How ironic...full of emptiness. Penuh oleh kekosongan. When will this searching end? God help me. Give me strength to end this endless journey. I'm tired of this emptiness.

maybe someday...

2005-10-15T08:08:00.000+07:00

Maybe Someday

No i won't do it again
I don't want to pretend
If it can't be like before
I've got to let it end
I don't want what I want
I've had a change of head
But maybe someday
Yeah maybe someday

I've got to let it go
And leave it gone
Just walk away
Stop it going on
Get too scared to jump
If i wait too long
But maybe someday
Yeah i'll see you smile
As you call my name
Start to feel
And it feels the same
And i know that maybe someday is come
Maybe someday is come again...
So tell me someday's come
Tell me someday's come again

No i won't do it some more
It doesn't make any sense
If it can't be like it was
I've got to let it rest
I don't want what i did
I had a change of taste
But maybe someday
Yeah i'll see you smile
As you call my name
Start to feel
And it feels the same
And i know that maybe someday is come
Maybe someday is coming

If i could do it again
Maybe just once more
Think i could make it work
Like i did before
If i could try it out
If i could just be sure
Then maybe someday is the last time
Yeah maybe someday is the end
Or maybe someday is when it all stops
Or maybe someday always comes again

There Is No If

2005-10-15T07:28:00.000+07:00

There is no If

Remember the first time i told you "i love you"
It was raining hard and you never heard
You sneezed
And i had to say it over
I said "i love you", i said
You didn't say a word
You just held your hands
To my shining eyes
And i watched as the rain ran through your fingers
Held your hands
To my shining eyes
And smiled as you kissed me

"If you die", you said
"So do i", you said
And it starts the day you make the sign
Tell me i'm forever yours
And you're forever mine
Forever mine...

"If you die", you said
"So do i", you said
And it starts the day you cross that line
Swear i will always be yours
And you'll be always be mine
You'll always be mine
Always be mine...

Remember the last time i told you i love you
It was warm and safe in a perfect world
You yawned
And i had to say it over
I said "i love you", i said
You didn't say a word
Just held your hands
To your shining eyes
And i watched as the tears ran through your fingers
Held you hands
To your shining eyes
And cried

"If you die", you said
"So do i", you said
But it ends the day you see how it is
There is no always, forever
Just this
Just this

"If you die", you said
"So do i", you said
But it ends the day you understand
There is no if
Just when
There is no if
Just when
There is no if

kapan tidurnya beettt....

2005-10-15T07:12:00.000+07:00

Kmaren dari pagi udah sten-be di langit, itupun udah dari malemnya soalnya mo ngajuin proposal program baru ke si muda, pulang ke rumah baru jam 12 malem-ga tidur tuh tanggung nunggu sahur-trus ga bisa merem ampe sholat jum'at, trus ke langit lagi buat rapad jam 3, trus jadi opp sampe jam 12 malem, beres2 ruang opp sama studio 1, bablas nanggung ampe sahur, sholat subuh trus nerusin beres2, pas fresh dengan menyedihkan kunyid tewas di ruang produksi-jadi ajah musti jadi opp deui daripada ga ada yg jagain fresh-njis....kapan molornya neh bet... tuluuunnggggggg... :(

subuh2

2005-10-09T04:23:00.000+07:00

aeh-aeh...subuh2 gini udah nongkrong di depan kompie. baru beres shahur trus nonton siaran langsung bola di tipi. lumayan lah...jadi ga mellow lagi and jadi ga mikirin yg nggak2. rada ngantugh euy. cuman sebel aja ini freaks2 yang ngakunya skylovers sms-in mulu bari ga jelas bin ga penting tea isinya. plis lah jam segini gitu apa ga ada kerjaan yang lebih penting. wae lah...some people are definitely created to made this world sucks. yeah...sabar aja lah...puasa geetoooh. solad dulu ah...biar tengtrem ayem.

twilight to starlight

2005-10-09T04:01:00.000+07:00

"Twilight To Starlight"


candy cane walks down
to build a bonfie, to break my fall
my baby, my sweet thing
just maybe we could lose ourselves this time
king of the horseflies, dark prince of death
his tragic forces are heaven sent
in sweet things, in a lovers breath
in knowing this was meant to be the last
a go-go-kids, a go-go-style
a suck suck kiss, a suck suck smile
as always, in youn gneed
a velied promise to never die
on dead highways, her black beauties roam
for june angels, so far from home
for a love lost, a faded picture
to tread lightning, to ink the lavender skies
so get on the bomb
get back where you belong

we only come out at night

2005-10-09T03:38:00.000+07:00

"We Only Come Out At Night"


we only come out at night, the days are much too bright
we only come out at night
and once again, you'll pretend to know me well, my friends
and once again, i'll pretend to know the way
thru the empty space
thru the secret places of the heart
we only come out at night, the days are much too bright
we only come out at night
i walk alone, i walk alone to find the way home
i'm on my own, i'm on my own to see the ways
that i can't help the days, you will make it home o.k
i know you can, and you can
we only come out at night, the days are much too bright
we only come out at night
and once again, you'll pretend to know that
there's an end, that there's an end to this begin
it will help you sleep at night
it will make it seem that right is always right
alright?
we only come out at night

infinite sadness

2005-10-08T18:21:00.000+07:00

insomnia is my disease. hard enough to sleep. well...not a disease apparently, it's a habit maybe. a very bad habit. dunno why i had such a habit like this. sadness is my friend, my infinite friend. darkness is my light, my beautiful light. and pathethic is my waltz (pure saturday's so inspirating man!!!). let's dance in the pathethic-dark-sadness-waltz rhyme....